Is confidence eluding you, too?

Lacking confidence feels like sh*t. That explains why nearly every client I work with yearns to feel more confident. You know you’re educated, you know you’re capable, you know you work hard. So it’s exhausting and frustrating to drag around this nagging feeling of not being good enough.

Struggling with confidence has been a constant in my life. Given my own experience and that of my clients, I examined my own relationship with confidence to see what insights I could draw and if I could better understand why so many of us are lacking confidence. Try reflecting or journaling on these questions and see what comes up.

💭 What does it feel like to lack confidence?

For me, an image comes to my mind. I am sinking through the ground, landing in a cold, dark room, all alone. Lacking confidence feels lonely, cold, small, embarrassing, and invisible. 

💭 In what situations or under what circumstance do you lack confidence? 

For me, when I am doing something new and unfamiliar, or when I am doing something old and familiar, but when the stakes are high and I fear being judged. 

💭 How would you like to feel in those situations? 

For me:

New and unfamiliar: curious, brave, adventurous, playful, resilient

Old and familiar: connected to my sense of self

Exploring how I’m longing to feel is illuminating, and indicative of why so many of us are struggling with confidence. I have the sense that I have become too disconnected with my curiosity and playfulness after an adult lifetime of having to be responsible, show-up, perform, and achieve. I have the sense that I have become too disconnected with myself, after an adult lifetime of trying to please others. Sound familiar?

So I’m committing to new perspectives. 

💃 In new and unfamiliar situations, instead of fear of embarrassment, looking stupid, disappointing others, or being a burden, I am going to tap into my curious, adventurous and playful self. How can I approach this with a beginner’s mindset and make it fun? And I’m going to come up with an ally to support me in doing that (if you don’t know what allies are, reach out!).

🫶 In old and familiar situations where the pressure feels high, I’m going to steal the mantra of the famous diver Greg Louganis. “No matter what happens, my mother will always love me”. This connects me to my inner knowing that I am enough, no matter what I achieve or do not achieve.

💭 What perspective could support you in growing your confidence?